Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You ruined the universe
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
