I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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