u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
