Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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