There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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