You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
