my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
