all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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