boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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