i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Shame is for Republicans.
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