Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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