guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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