Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize