you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
