I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
