So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
