Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
