# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
