i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
