I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
