You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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