Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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