You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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