The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
