I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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