I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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