Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
