Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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