I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
