You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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