i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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