Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
