I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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