The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
