What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to make out with him forever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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