he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
