I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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