You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
