singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
