did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
