i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
