I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
