Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
