I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
