Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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