Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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