Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
