Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Randomize
