I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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