I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
