Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
