..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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