I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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