she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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