plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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