He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Randomize
