best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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