Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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