She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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