Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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