I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
