Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
