i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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