I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
