How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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