just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize