if you like me you must not know who I am
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
