p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
