"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize