You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
