Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
