She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just high enough for therapy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
