The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
