No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
