I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
